Women and Children First -- Mature Chapters Only
by rubyt00
Summary: This is where I am posting the "off-screen" mature chapters for my mostly T-rated story. Go to /s/8734971/1/Women-and-Children-First for the full story.
1. Chapter 18M

_This is the mature continuation of Chapter 18 of my story Women and Children First. You can find the start of that story here: s/8734971/1/Women-and-Children-First_

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Jane's kisses became more insistent, his hand roaming freely until it came up to her breast and squeezed, and then, finding the buttons of her blouse, becoming focused on freeing them as quickly as possible. He groaned as he unbuttoned and opened her blouse to reveal her lacey bra. Tracing kisses down her neck and onto her chest, he made his way down to her belly before groaning deeper and resting his face on the bare skin. Lisbon had her fingers in his hair, her pelvis undulating as if it had a will of its own. Soon he was kissing his way up to her breast, mouthing first one nipple then the other through the lace before slipping a hand to unhook it and pull it off her. Once freed, he took turns licking and sucking on each nipple and she rose with his mouth, groaning at the rising sensations he was causing.

His hand slipped down between her legs and he rubbed her there before grabbing her tight and holding her as her hips rose even higher to his touch. The pressure along with his nipple play nearly made her cum right then, and her breathing became erratic. He released her and slid his hand up to unbutton and unzip her pants, slipping it into her underwear and finding her wetness. He massaged her clit as his lips made their way back up to her mouth and then he slid his tongue into her mouth just as he slid two of his fingers deep inside her. Lisbon cried out, so close to cumming she could barely kiss him back, and when he started rubbing her sweet spot with his fingers in a slow and steady motion she lost herself completely to the moment, crying out and bucking her hips to feel his fingers even deeper inside her. She grabbed him and held him close as she came, and he broke off the kiss to let her cry out freely.

They were cheek to cheek and he was breathing heavily into her ear, pressing his hardness into her hip, still massaging her sweet spot until she grabbed his wrist and made him stop but keeping his fingers deep inside. As she came down from her climax, he planted little kisses on her cheek, her ear, her chin. Soon she was kissing him back, going to unbutton his shirt. He pulled his fingers out so she could slip the shirt off his arm and then he lifted up to get it off completely. He looked down at her and she saw her own unabashed lust mirrored back to her. She went for his pants and got them undone and slipped off with his hurried help. Then he was on top of her, parting her legs with his knee, opening her up for him as he looked down at her. She reached between his legs and took hold of his hardness-god, he was so hard. His breathing hitched when she squeezed him and he ducked his head down as his whole body tensed. She guided him inside her and he raised his head to look at her again as he sank all the way inside her in a slow, steady movement. He groaned, closing his eyes only briefly before pulling back and plunging forward again, finding a rhythm for her to match, watching her as she responded with her own groans and gasps. He liked to watch, that much was clear, and Lisbon met his gaze with an openness she revealed to only the most trusted. He responded by kissing her deeply and thrusting harder. She wrapped her legs around him and opened herself up completely, taking him all the way in, gasping when he hit the back of her cervix. Their rhythm soon became erratic, he broke off the kiss and she saw he was close and she raced to match him, slipping her hand down between them to massage her clit. A couple strokes in and she was crying out and bucking hard with him and soon he was clenching up and crying out with her. She could feel him releasing inside her and he soon collapsed onto her, burying his head next to her and letting go of deep guttural sounds into her ear. She ran her hands over his back and into his hair, letting her waves of pleasure release fully, diminish naturally.

They lay like that until their breathing leveled out, their heart rates returning to normal. Then Jane lifted his head and kissed her cheek, her mouth, the tip of her nose. He looked into her eyes, as if gauging how she might be feeling now that the lust had been met. And she was fine. More than fine. She hadn't been this fine in a long time, in fact. She smiled at him, ran her hand through his hair and brought it down to stroke his cheek, the unbruised cheek. He smiled back and kissed her softly on the lips.

He pulled out of her and slipped off her, pulling her to him as he settled on his side facing her. She burrowed into the warmth of him, her back up against his chest, her butt up against his wet softness. He sighed contentedly into her ear and Lisbon closed her eyes, luxuriating in the closeness and sweetness of Jane.


	2. Chapter 19M

_This is the Chapter 19 mature version of my K-T Women and Children First story._

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Jane stumbled over a jumble of thoughts as he held Lisbon tight to him and began sinking into sleep.

First, that had all happened incredibly fast. He'd be a bit embarrassed if not for how incredibly responsive Lisbon had been and how obviously satisfied she was now in his arms. Second, and this one he said out loud, whispering it in Lisbon's ear the moment he thought of it: "No one died today."

He hadn't even realized how much he had dreaded another woman and child being murdered until that moment, and coming on the heels of the sexual release he just experienced, Jane hadn't felt this good since he couldn't remember when.

But then he remembered Lorelei, the photos of her pale and bloated face, the bloodied scars, and his part in it. And then Lisbon was stirring in his arms and he vowed to stop thinking again and just be in this wonderful moment. Then he started tripping over Lisbon's uneasiness, the rising tension in her body, and he whispered: "Don't regret this, Lisbon."

"I don't," she whispered back, relaxing slightly.

He kissed her below her ear and was moving more kisses down her neck when she startled, her whole body jerking to attention.

"The door is unlocked," she said.

"So," he said, kissing her shoulder.

"So," she said, sitting up. "I told the guys to come and get me if something happened." She got up and went to the door and locked it.

When she came back, Jane appreciated the sight of her, the nakedness of her. She stood at the bed looking at him and he instantly realized she was assessing the situation from the point of view of the team. What would they think if they had knocked and entered, never assuming what had just happened? She eyed her clothes on the floor and Jane reached out and took a hold of her forearm, making her look at him.

"Something happened," he said. "But it's just between us." She looked a little panicked, like a bird ready to take flight. He pulled her in. "Come here," he whispered.

Lisbon sat on the bed.

"You need to sleep too," he said. He hooked her with his arm and pulled her over to him—there was hardly anything to her-he really didn't know how she tackled big, beefy thugs.

"I need to stay focused," she said sliding down into his arms.

"Sleep helps that. Just text Cho and tell him you're going to sleep."

"Are _you_ going to sleep?"

"Yes, if you stay." He kissed her on her cheek, below her ear, on her neck.

"Jane."

"I know I will if you stay. If you go, I don't know."

"Jane."

Jane nuzzled his face against hers. "I'm being honest."

Lisbon sighed. "Okay," she said and sat up and searched for her phone in her clothes. Jane kept a hand on her hip as she found it and texted Cho. She slipped back under the covers with him and waited for a reply. When it came, she read it, responded, and then tossed the phone back onto her pile of clothes.

He pulled her back up against him and closed his eyes. He was beyond tired. He felt Lisbon relaxing into him and the bed. He emptied his mind of everything but the softness of Lisbon's skin, the sound of her breathing, the heady smell of her sex.

When Jane woke a few hours later, Lisbon was still tucked up against him. He had slept hard and his body was stiff from it. He shifted to stretch his legs and straighten his back and Lisbon stirred. He went back to spooning her, his hand roaming slowly over her hip, down her thigh, inside her thigh, up over her patchy mound, up her belly to her breasts and down her arm to her hip to start the circuit all over again. Half way through the first circuit his own arousal had fully burgeoned and half through the second Lisbon was responding with a sleepy hum. On the third circuit she was turning around to face him and start her own roaming. She blinked her eyes awake and he met her with a kiss that deepened quickly. He suddenly could not get enough of her. Last night another door had opened and Jane was flooded with a desire he had kept locked away for almost eleven years. He gasped at the force of it, breaking the kiss to catch his breath. Like an animal too longed denied sustenance, his desire verged on feral desperation.

He saw concern in her face and she reached up and ran her thumb over his jaw.

"I feel like I might hurt you," he whispered between heavy breaths. He gripped her hip tightly, more to still himself than her.

Her concern moved to understanding and she ran her hand behind his head and pulled him firmly to her. "You won't," she said. She kissed him hard and deep then and lifted her leg over his hip, giving him full permission to take her.

His desire thundered forward. He gave himself permission to unleash it fully as he gripped her hip harder, angling himself, feeling her moist vulva, and finally thrusting himself into her in one hard stroke. Her gasp spurred him on and he thrust again, pulling her down onto him, watching her response. Then, losing any semblance of control, he unleashed a torrent of thrusts that she met enthusiastically with throaty cries of pleasure. He lost himself in them, lost himself completely in her. Somewhere along the way he found a part of himself cracking open, a warm burst of energy exploded in his chest and he saw that she was completely open to receiving it. The sight of her like that sent the energy down to his loins and sent him hurtling over the edge, his hips bucking blissfully into the receptive recesses of the woman who was falling apart with him now. She shoved her face into his neck, into the pillow, the intensity of her cries muffled. He grunted a final release and felt her tightening around him, relaxing and tightening, her own desire diminishing in steady, spasmodic waves.

As the last remnants of tension left his body, Jane was overcome with emotion. Tears sprang to his eyes and he began to weep. He wept because he had thought this part of his life was over, had been murdered along with Angela. He wept thinking that he didn't deserve this pleasure, didn't deserve Teresa's affections. He'd bring her nothing but sorrow and eventual madness or death.

She started shushing him, lifting her head up to kiss his lips, his cheeks, wiping away his tears.

"Nobody can know about this," he said, his fear rising instantly. "If Red John finds out—"

She shushed him again. "Don't do that," she said. "Don't let him kill every happiness of yours." She kept delivering kisses on his face. "Don't give him that power," she said.

He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight. She was right. She was absolutely right. He held onto her suggestion and emptied his mind of everything except for how incredibly right she felt in his arms. She hugged him back, her hand rubbing a small circle between his shoulder blades. When he had calmed down, she slowly pulled her head back to look at him. Again, she put her hand to his face and brushed away the tears with her thumb.

He tried to smile. "Sorry I'm such a mess," he said.

She smiled back, a sweet smile. "Yeah, well, you've always been my mess to take care of, so, you know." She shrugged _no big deal_.

He let a breathy laugh loose.

"You're dealing with a lot, Jane. Cut yourself some slack."

He closed his eyes. "I'm not really dealing with anything," he said. He opened them and looked at her. "I don't want to deal with any of it."

"I know."

"This helps. A lot."

"I know."

"It's been awhile."

She pressed her lips together and a corner of her mouth lifted up.

"I mean, since I've been with someone I cared about. I mean, that was Angela."

"I know. You don't have to explain."

"But I do. I mean, I never thought I'd feel this way again and—"

"It's okay, Jane. "

"—and I. No. Let me finish. I don't want you to think I'm just looking for something to help me get through the night."

"This was completely unexpected," she said. "But not unwelcomed. It's been awhile for me too." She smiled a small smile.

"I know."

Her brows furrowed briefly. "What do you mean?"

"I know that it's been awhile."

"No you don't."

"Yes, I do. I can always tell when you've been with someone. For a while there, it was a regular cycle. You could go without for no more than 7 weeks, but it's been much longer lately. Much."

Her eyes narrowed at him.

"I'm not judging you," he said. "It's not unlike me knowing when it's that time of the month for you. Or that you're on the pill. It's just a cyclical change in your body."

"You do not know my cycle," she said nonplussed.

"Okay." He could see she was getting edgy.

"I don't think I like you knowing that stuff about me without my knowledge. In fact, I _know_ I don't like it."

"Okay."

"How on earth could you have known I was on the pill?"

"You know, this is not exactly the kind of pillow talk one would expect after what we just did."

"Well, this whole thing was unexpected, so I would say this is perfectly normal pillow talk given the situation. How did you know?"

"Are you going to punch me if I tell you the truth?"

She did something between a sigh and a scoff. "Jane, I will forever reserve the right to punch you when you deserve it."

He couldn't help but smile at her honesty. "Okay: one. Your cycle is very low key, with only a slight fluctuation from normal, which suggests the use of the pill. Two. You would never risk pregnancy with someone you had only casual sex with, and you have had only casual sex for as long as I've known you. It's pretty obvious you're on the pill. I would guess that you only use a condom with men you can't be sure don't have STDs."

"Jesus, Jane. For someone who preserves his own privacy so carefully, you sure do invade others," she said frowning.

"I did not seek this information out. I just know it. There's a difference. I know a lot of things I'd rather not know."

She studied him before relenting. "Fair enough."

He leaned in and kissed her softly and then, rubbing her nose with his, said, "And I know a lot more about you then I used to."

She very nearly purred in response which made him smile at learning how to make her very nearly purr. He rolled onto his back and pulled her with him so her head rested on his chest, her leg splaying over his. He thought he'd like to learn a lot more about how to make sounds like that come out of Agent Teresa Lisbon.


	3. Chapter 20M

The soundtrack for this chapter is Pink's _Oh My God_. :-0

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Lisbon woke to the day dawning outside, the dark bedroom slowly growing less dim, more visible. Still in Jane's arms, she felt less insulated from the rest of the world. Outside the bedroom door was a whole lot of mess she and Jane would eventually have to confront and she relished the sweetness of waking up so melded to a warm, masculine body. It had been too long. That it was Jane's body she was so melded to was a little disconcerting. She had decided long ago that this would never happen, and while she had wondered what it would be like—of course she had wondered—the reality was actually much better than she had expected. He was so … attentive. He had been an emotional wreck and still been so… attentive. Lisbon couldn't think of a moment he hadn't been touching her since they came into the bedroom, save for when she went to the bathroom or downstairs to check on the team.

His hand slid down her arm and he stirred awake. She lifted her head off his chest and pulled back to look at him. He blinked his eyes open.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey." He was groggy and his face was puffy from sleep and the angry welt on his cheek looked even angrier than the night before.

"You slept again."

"Yes."

"That's good."

He rolled onto his side to face her, bringing his hand up to touch her, drawing his fingers down her jawline, her neck, across her shoulder. "Hmmm."

She grinned.

"And what is so amusing?" he asked playfully.

"I just never thought you'd be so touchy-feely."

"So you've _thought_ about this. Hmmm."

"Oh, come on. So have you."

He smiled. "What, exactly, were you expecting?"

"I don't know. More suave. More lothario-like."

He frowned and grinned at the same time. "Why would you think that?"

"Your skills give you a distinct advantage. Plus, I've seen you being that way, like a little window on your past."

"My skills, huh?" He grinned widely. Then, "And exactly when did you see me?"

"During that fugue state. You grabbed my ass and made it quite clear you'd totally do me if I was game."

Jane chuckled. His fingers made their way down her arm and hip and around to grab her ass. "I wasn't really like that," he said. He leaned in and kissed her.

"Right."

"No, really," he said, his fingers finding their way back up her hip, her arm, her neck.

Lisbon shivered at the light touching. "Seriously, Jane. Spare me."

"I am serious." He looked at her with all seriousness.

"I'm not judging," she said, softly echoing his words from before.

"I married when I was 17. I was faithful."

Lisbon took in this information like it was a loaded gun, like it was something that could cause some harm if it wasn't handled carefully. She hadn't really thought his timeline through.

His fingers stopped their exploration. "Why does that freak you out?" he asked.

Lisbon couldn't answer. She was too busy climbing over the facts of his statement.

"What?" he asked.

"That means…" she said. She really couldn't wrap her mind around it. "I'm number … 3?"

"Oh," Jane said.

"And Lorelei…. She was …"

Jane's face darkened.

"…only your second lover," Lisbon said. She really couldn't imagine. Lovers counted on one hand. _Less_ than one hand.

"Oh," he said.

"Yeah," Lisbon said, trying to hold off on completely freaking out and losing. She avoided his eyes, not wanting him to see her … confusion… fear… abject terror.

"And you're thinking of what happened to them," he said.

"Oh, god, Jane. No. I wasn't thinking of that at all," she said.

"Then what?" He was reading her face but looked confused.

"No, it was nothing."

"Clearly it is more than nothing. Clearly it is very much _something_."

"No. Well. I don't know. It's just … it feels like a lot of … I don't know… responsibility."

Jane frowned and grinned at the same time again. "What?" he said skeptically. And then he saw something that caused his face to brighten. He smiled. "I'm not a teenager, Lisbon. I may not have had a slew of lovers, but that doesn't mean I don't know my way around a woman's body or her mind. You're confusing quantity with quality or quantity with maturity. Or both."

"Okay," Lisbon said uncertainly.

Jane narrowed his eyes at her. "You're afraid of this. With me."

"No," she scoffed.

"And a little ashamed."

"No, I am not," she said, suddenly realizing what it would be like to be in a relationship with Patrick Jane. Now that he had said it, she realized she _was_ a little afraid and ashamed. The bastard.

He smiled at her. "Don't worry, Teresa, I'm not going to start rattling your commitment phobia."

"I do not have a commitment phobia," she protested. "I have an aversion to what men expect from me in a committed relationship."

"Well, that's true. The men you've chosen would never compromise or sacrifice equitably. That is something to be cautious of, but you shouldn't be ashamed at all the test driving. It's not your fault there are so few men out there willing to let you be who you are."

"Right."

"But that doesn't explain why you're afraid to be my number 3."

"I—"

He came in and kissed her check. "And you are afraid." He kissed her earlobe. "Of commitment." He ran his tongue down her jawline. "But I'm not asking you to commit to anything." He shifted so he was propped on his elbow, head bending to kiss her chest, her breast. "Except maybe your next orgasm." His lips were moving down her body, soft, wet kisses that contradicted the alarmingly strong pleasure signals being sent to her brain.

She gasped as he went lower, clearly intent on wanting her to commit to this moment.

His hands were spreading her legs now and his lips working on her inner thigh, moving up. He palmed her now exposed labia.

"Oh, my God," she said between heavy breaths.

"Hmmm," he murmured as he lifted her leg and got between them. Then he was licking and sucking and tonguing her until she grabbed his head and held onto him as she rode through a long, hard orgasm that was soon followed by two short. And still he kept going, kissing and sucking on her clit until it all became too much and she tried to push him off as she felt another orgasm rising up and threatening to overwhelm her. He gripped her hips tighter and held on, forcing her to stay with him. She wanted to scream out as the orgasm came in hard convulsive waves, but she kept herself from going to the outer reaches, afraid of waking the house... Instead she pulled on his hair and turned her head into the pillow, letting out a stream of muffled cries and grunts. When she reached her limit, she put her palms on his forehead and pushed against him, breathlessly saying, "Stop, please stop."

He stopped working his tongue, softening his lips into a kiss. Lisbon melted onto the bed, her whole body limp and lifeless. Jane kissed her softly again and then again. She reached down to run her fingers through his hair, breathing heavily, her heart racing. He kissed one final time before moving up to rest his head on her belly. They lay like that for some time, long enough for Lisbon to return to some semblance of herself. Jane stirred and began kissing his way up her body until he was on his knees over her. She pulled him into a kiss and she soon had his wonderful tongue inside her mouth, the scent and taste of herself all over him. She felt his hardness on her thigh and she lifted a leg up over his hip.

"Get inside me now," she said.

"Hmmmm," he growled in her ear.

And then there he was, moving slickly inside of her. She wrapped her legs around him and let him ride her the way he wanted. He hovered over her, watching her, coming in for a kiss, and then back to watching. "Don't worry about me," she said.

"I like cumming with you," he said. He went deep and hard and she saw he was starting to go tense.

"I like when you cum inside me," she said. She really didn't think she could reach another orgasm but she wanted to see him lose himself in her.

He kissed her deeply as he thrust inside her. She was so wet he slid in and out smoothly and rapidly in a rhythm that soon became almost hypnotic. He pulled her hip up to angle her pelvis just so and the rhythm soon caused a familiar rush of excitement. He was doing something with his rhythm, going deep then coming up short and it was heating her up against her will. He was back to watching her, changing up his rhythm, gauging her reactions. Her breathing was hitched and breathy and she saw he was readying, getting closer, but holding out for her.

"Don't wait for me," she said. She really didn't think she could go again.

"Hmmm," he murmured as he kissed her again and went all short in his thrusting and soon Lisbon was overtaken and saying "_ohmygod_, _ohmygod_" and grabbing Jane's hips, making him go deep. He lifted his head to watch her as he went all deep now and she convulsed so wildly she could only hang on as he began losing his rhythm, going deeper but more erratically. When he reached his climax he said, "Oh, Teresa" and sunk his head down next to hers, grunting out the last remnants of his orgasm and collapsing onto her. She took the weight of him with relief.

"Oh, my God," she panted out and wrapped her arms tight around him, her legs trembling around him in the aftermath.

He snaked a hand beneath her and grabbed her ass and thrust one last time. Sighing deeply, he turned his head to kiss her neck.

"Oh, my God, Jane," Lisbon said.

Jane let out a breathy laugh against her neck. "Is that what all the Catholic girls say in the throes of passion?" he asked.

Lisbon laughed and slapped his back lightly. She unwrapped her legs from him and they shifted to get comfortable. He lifted himself up on his elbows, smiling down at her.

"I think you've ruined me for the day," she said. Her recovery was clearly going to take awhile.

"Mmm," he said, kissing her lightly on the lips, "more like _readied_ you."

"I do have to get up," she said, still breathless. "But I don't think I can walk, let alone think straight."

Jane was beaming now.

"Okay, that's a little too bright for the morning," she said, bringing her hand up to his face.

"So, you're saying I've fucked you senseless," he said.

"I would say that is an accurate description of what transpired here."

"Oh, getting all cop on me now. I like that."

"And you talking dirty… I like that."

He slid out of her and rolled to her side, grinning. She turned to him. "I do have to go be a cop," she said. "The team is probably wondering…"

"Right." He draped his hand on her hip. "But not right away."

"Seriously, I don't think I could walk right now."

"Hmmm." He pulled her to him to cuddle.

"God, Jane," Lisbon said. "This is such a bad idea."

"I know, Lisbon," he said, kissing the top of her head and closing his eyes. "It's a terrible, horrible idea."


	4. Chapter 29M

Lisbon's hand on Jane's forearm brought him out of his thoughts. She pulled him to the bed, saying, "Come here," and climbing into it, turned to take him in her arms. He pulled her close and hugged her tight.

"You said you wanted to talk without distractions," she said.

He kissed her neck up to her jaw and earlobe. "But now I'm distracted by you."

She pulled back to look at him, grinning, but her lightheartedness soon turned to concern. "Tell me what's going on."

He reached up to play with her hair. "She confuses me. I've never been this confused before."

"I can't believe you told her about the memory palace."

"She knew I read her journal. She saw that I had made myself forget."

"Really."

"Yes. She's…"

"You believe she's psychic."

"She's very perceptive."

"Tell me about the journal. What is making you so uneasy about it?"

He thought about it. There were so many different parts to it and he hadn't had much time to digest it all. "Her inquiry is ... I'm not what she expected. It's almost like she doesn't recognize _me_."

"You said she knows things. What does she know?"

Jane frowned. Now that they were here, he didn't want to go there, there was no reason to. "It doesn't matter."

"You said she knew things about me."

"It's nothing. It's just guess work. It's not worth mentioning, really."

"Well, I want to know. Actually, I want to know more now because you don't want to tell me." She was looking at him like she was offended.

"I really don't want to tell you."

"I can see that. Why?"

"Because it's very private and if it's true, you will hate that I know it. If I don't tell you, we can both just forget about it."

"Okay, now I really want to know."

"No. You don't."

"Yes. I do."

"No. You don't."

Dammit, Jane, just tell me."

He frowned and sighed heavily. Then he pulled her close, tucking his face into her neck. "She said one time your father got very drunk and almost sexually assaulted you. You fought him off." He felt her stiffen in his arms. "He didn't remember doing it and you never told anyone."

Lisbon was stock still. She wasn't even breathing. Jane rubbed her back and tried to pull her closer, but she resisted, then pulled back and wiggled out of his arms. She sat up on the bed, her face registering the shock of his words. She shook her head in disbelief, then scooted off the bed and went to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

No denial or confirmation was needed. Jane closed his eyes to rest until she was ready to come out again. He decided he did not need to confirm what his mother knew about Van Pelt or Cho. What she knew about him and Angela and now Lisbon was confirmation enough of her abilities.

When Lisbon finally emerged, she simply climbed into bed and let Jane pull her into him again. She didn't say anything and Jane waited, content to just be resting with her.

When she finally spoke, she said, "What did she know about you?"

"What?"

"You said she knew things about you that she shouldn't have. What did she know about you?"

"She wrote a lot about me."

"You know something about me that I would have never told you. It's only fair that you tell me something that she knows about you."

He saw that she had been wounded by the revelation and needed something to salve it, something to equalize what she saw as an imbalance between them. "From what I can tell, what she sees are moments that show an important aspect of a personality."

Lisbon searched his face. "The loss of Angela and Charlotte?"

"No, anyone can know that. She knew why Angela and I quit the traveling circuit and moved back to LA."

Lisbon frowned, not understanding.

"When I said I wasn't really Lothario-like back then, I meant that wasn't really who I was. But I did pretend to be that. It was part of the act. There were always more women at the shows than men, and the marks were easy to spot—the neglected wives, the single and looking, the widowed or divorced. A few would always come backstage afterwards to request private readings. I'd warm them up during the show so they'd be ready for … possibilities. They'd get backstage and I'd heat them up more, make them think things could lead somewhere, get them to pay ahead for the next "session" which, you know, never happened."

"Jesus, Jane."

"Angela knew it was only a matter of time before something did happen. We'd been married a long time. We weren't kids anymore. She knew if we continued the way we were it would be the end of us. She wanted to have a child and a real home and I couldn't imagine living without her, so I quit. We moved to LA and it was, well, it's a great town for frauds. I made a lot of money. We bought the house in Malibu. Charlotte came and everything was … for awhile everything was beautiful."

Every time he remembered this part of his life the wound reopened. Lisbon reached up and cradled his face with her hand, but he couldn't look at her. He wanted to finish, because he intuited that what his mother knew about him, what Angela had known, was important for Lisbon to know.

"But as Charlotte grew, Angela became more and more uncomfortable telling her what Daddy did for a living. It felt like lying to her and she didn't like it. She started pushing me to quit. And I balked. I had already quit once for her and I was doing so well. I was on TV. We lived very comfortably. I kept raising my rates and people flocked to me. I was devoted to her and Charlotte, why should I give up something that was working so well? What had she ever given up for me? My mother knew all of that. All of it."

"Okay," Lisbon said.

Jane looked at her. "Don't you see?"

She frowned in confusion. "No."

It was the part of the journal that disturbed him the most, the part that was still unformed, and Jane struggled to articulate it. "Angela wanted me to quit both times for the same reason."

"Because of the fraudulent life?"

"No." It was hard to say, hard to admit. "Because left to my own devices, I take things too far. That's what my mother wrote."

"Oh," Lisbon said. "That's true."

"She thinks I'm doing that with Red John. Going too far. And I don't have anyone in my life to stop me."

"I try. I try a lot."

"She wrote that the reason I haven't had any relationships since Angela is because I don't want to be stopped. I don't want to be questioned. I don't want to compromise."

"Oh."

"She was questioning things in her journal, like she knew I had done something, but she didn't know what it was… and she was trying to figure it out. She just figured it out. She figured out it was Lorelei."

"Oh, that. Yeah, that's true. You went way too far there, Jane, and you wouldn't hear anything I had to say about her."

"I didn't have to hear anything. We weren't … involved."

He saw understanding flash across her face and she took a moment to formulate her words: "We're not involved now."

"We're more involved than we used to be." He didn't know why he was moving into this territory, only that he suddenly wanted to know Lisbon's thoughts on the subject.

"I'm not under any illusions here, Jane. I know this is a necessary escape for you and it's a nice one for me, but I'm not going to pretend there is something more going on here. And, frankly, this is not the time for anything more anyway."

"Something more has been going on for awhile now. We've just chosen not to acknowledge it. For our own reasons. And this is not an escape for me."

He could see she was unsure, so he waited, curious where she would go from here.

"I'm not sure what you want me to say," she said.

"You could just ask me."

She frowned, confused. "Ask you what?"

"What it is for me."

She actually looked surprised. "Oh," she said. Surprise soon turned to fear or embarrassment or maybe even dread, Jane couldn't quite surmise.

"Just ask."

"Okay. What is it for you?" she asked hurriedly, annoyance now winning out over all else.

"It's a refuge."

Her face softened as she took in his meaning and the smallest smile lifted the corners of her mouth.

Jane moved in to kiss her, brushing her lips softly at first, getting her to respond. He went slow, enjoying the sweetness. He liked making her smile, but he liked making her pulse skip and her breathing hitch even more. He pressed harder, parting her mouth with his tongue, and she opened it willingly. Her willingness made him instantly hard and his hand began exploring the curves and dips of her body, roaming freely and without caution, becoming more insistent as her breathing became punctuated with soft moans.

"You like that, don't you," he whispered. His hand slid down to her ass and he pulled her to him, letting her feel his hardness.

"Yes," she whispered between kisses.

The thought that he wanted to get her to yes again and again, get her to say it with abandon whipped through his brain and pushed him to the frenzied activity of getting her clothes undone. He could barely see the buttons of her blouse, barely register that she was helping with her buttons, then his. Soon her bra spilled open, the unexpected surprise of it unclasping at the front. His hands were at her pants now and hers were on his and in a heated and heady moment he was free to his knees and he managed to get her legs free and he found his way into her.

They both gasped at the suddenness of it—god she was such a relief, a sweet warm relief—and he sank all the way into her, gripping her to him. He kissed her neck and made his way up to her mouth, their tongues finding each other and delving into a kiss that was deep and long and broken only by the need to breathe. They moved together in the frantic rhythm of new lovers long denied but with the added constriction of clothes still attached. Jane was aware he was moving too fast towards the point of no return but his body had an agenda that trampled right over the part of him that wanted to be the cool lover. Lisbon was right there with him, meeting his every move with an obvious enjoyment that sent him headlong into his own abandonment.

When she started gasping, "Oh, yes," again and again, Jane hurled himself past any control he might have wished for and dove headlong into his release. He fell into her, grunting his way through his orgasm that exploded through him. She got the tail end of it and cried out as she began to spasm and buck her hips against him. She carried herself through on him, letting a full orgasm bloom. He felt her squeezing his diminishing cock tightly and it was almost enough to make him stay hard, almost. All the tension drained out him and he melded into her, releasing a long sigh.

It took some time for them to come back to themselves, and as Jane lifted off of her, the state of their half undress began to nag. He rolled to her side and she shifted to fix her blouse from getting further wrinkled.

"Jesus, Jane."

He helped her with the blouse. It had all happened so fast; he was still trying to catch up to any thoughts beyond how much like a teenager he felt. "I'm sorry," he said. "That happened so fast."

"No," Lisbon said. "No, that was incredibly hot." She put her hand on his bare chest, his shirt still half open. She sidled up to him, threw her leg over his.

"I feel like a teenager."

"Yeah. That's why it's hot. Patrick Jane with no control. That's really hot."

He turned and looked at her. She was smiling and it made him smile.

"You'll have to help me get it back."

"I'm not sure I want to do that."

"So this is how it will be? Always at cross purposes?" He lifted her hand off his chest and laced his fingers in hers.

"Mmm. Sure. That sounds like fun."

Jane reached in for a soft kiss. "It suddenly occurred to me that you are not concerned about the door being unlocked."

Her smile diminished to a mischievous grin. "Not in the least."

"So you planned this."

"Not in the least."

"That's a very impressive poker face," he teased.

"Oh, shut up and kiss me," she said.

She pulled on his hand and lifted her face expectantly, leaving him no option but to comply. And he did. Willingly. Very willingly.


	5. Chapter 30M

Lisbon loved the way Jane kissed after sex. His lips were soft and sweet and on a languid mission to cover most of her body, but while Lisbon's body wanted to be indulged, her head was thinking they had already indulged enough for the middle of the day. She moved to stop him. He was currently working on her left shoulder and her hand on the back of his head made him look up at her.

"You want me to stop?"

"No. Yes. We really should…" She glanced over to where her pants had fallen on the floor.

He grabbed her hip and his lips went to her belly, kissing her once. "Okay." When she started wiggling to get up, he clutched her tighter. "Hold on." He sat up. "Just hold on." He pulled his pants up and zipped them before scooting off the bed. He lifted her pants and shook them, then surveyed the damage. "Not too bad," he said before draping them on the bed next to her. He found her panties and gave them to her, his eyes sweeping down her half naked body. "Let me get a washcloth," he said and went to the bathroom.

Lisbon heard the faucet running a long time, which meant he was warming the water. The last time a lover had gotten her a washcloth, he'd wetted it with cold water and then tossed it to her like it was a softball. When Jane emerged, he came and sat on the bed, his free hand reaching out to spread her legs. He looked at her with the barest of smiles and pressed the warm cloth onto her labia. She drew in an unexpected breath at the pleasure of it. He proceeded to very deliberately clean her up, wiping away every trace of his semen, inspecting closely. Lisbon was aroused at how closely he was inspecting her. She had no idea that such a sweet act of kindness could cause such an instant reaction, and she realized the surprise was from having never experienced such sweet acts after sex. When he finished, he bent down and planted a soft kiss on her clit. Her hips lifted on their own accord and she moaned. Jesus, now he was just being cruel.

He lifted his head to look up at her. "You want me to stop?"

"Jesus, Jane. Yes." She sat up.

He smiled broadly as she worked to get her panties on. She expected him to interfere, but instead he crawled back into bed as she stood to get her pants back on. She tucked her shirt in, looking at him.

"I'm not sure how to take all this compliance," she said.

His smiled faded. "It would be different, Lisbon."

She buttoned her pants. "What do you mean?"

"I mean if we decided this was going to be something. I'd be different."

She scoffed. "Jane, don't say anything you can't back up."

"I'm serious."

"No, you're just being nice. I'm not going to pretend that just because we're having sex I will have more influence over you. You're too stubborn."

He reached out for her hand and said, "Come here." She took it and climbed on the bed, sitting up against the headboard and looking down on him. He was propped on an elbow and he dropped her hand to trail his along her hip and down her leg. "It's not about the sex or influence, Lisbon. Not really. It's what will get ruined if I go too far." He frowned and struggled to say what he was thinking. "Because that seems to be what's at the end of going too far. Something gets ruined."

"Oh."

"My mother thinks I need to be stopped."

"Didn't she say something was ruined? What was that?"

"She was talking about Lorelei. I ruined Lorelei for Red John." Jane looked uneasy. "But it could have ruined us. Me and you."

Lisbon raised her eyebrows. That was true. "It did change things. I don't have a sense anymore of how far you'll go."

"Do you think I need to be stopped?"

She thought about it a moment. "I think you've been stopped. I think Red John has stopped you cold, for now, but I am afraid of what you will do once you get your equilibrium back."

He nodded.

"Have you thought about what you're going to do? Or are you still not thinking about things?"

He looked away and shook his head.

"Your mother seems to think you have … some abilities. What do you think about that?"

He frowned and lay back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "I don't know."

Lisbon scooted down to lay next to him. "Have you gone to that room yet?"

"No."

"Why not?"

He closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I don't want to tell you what to do, Jane, but I do think you need to go there."

He turned on his side to face her, his eyes still closed, his hand reaching out for her. "I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"I've tried. I just…"

"What?"

His breathing was getting shallow and his face was crumbling into a pained expression.

"What is it, Jane? What's happening?"

"I try but every time I get close to the door, I just… I don't want to do it.

"Why not?"

"Because I feel like I'm 10 again and my mother has just disappeared and my father won't let me talk about it. I just feel all that sadness and I don't want to."

Lisbon reached out to pull him to her. She rubbed his back. "It's your grief. Nobody can avoid it completely, not even you, Jane."

"I think I've reached my lifetime quota on grief," he said. He opened his eyes and looked at her.

"The way it's supposed to work is that you feel it and then let it go. If you don't feel it, it just hangs around or comes out in some other way."

"It's never worked that way for me."

"No. It hasn't."

"My mother thinks the reason I still grieve Angela and Charlotte so strongly is because I didn't grieve her."

"That sounds very wise."

"I want to believe her. I want to believe she is who she says she is."

"I know. You would be incredibly lucky if it turns out that way. I would do anything to have my mother come back to me."

"It would be different for you. It would be a happy event. This is really painful. This is just …"

"I know."

"Why should I go back there? What's the point?"

"You don't have to, Jane. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. But it is an important part of your life that you just cut off. And from what I can tell, it was a pretty happy time. Why wouldn't you want to have more happy memories? And what if you did have abilities like your mother? I mean, didn't she say you were even better than her at such a young age?"

"I'm not psychic."

"Well, whatever. I think it would be beneficial for you to walk through that grief and go inside that room. I think what's on the other side of the door will be a whole lot better than what's on the outside scaring you away."

"You'll stay with me?"

"Of course." She pulled him tighter and he nuzzled his face against hers. She felt him let go a deep sigh and it was soon followed by more shallow breathing. Then he was crying. He was so quiet when he cried, just the sound of soft hiccupy breathing. He must have learned that after his mother left and the thought of him having to hide his sorrow made her sad.

"It's okay, Jane. Just let it out," she said. "It's okay." He pulled her tighter and she said, "It's okay. You don't have to be quiet." Soon he was crying for real, a low groan of sorrow punctuated with gasps for breath. She felt his tears on her cheek and she rubbed the back of his head, ran her fingers through his curls, down his neck, and every once in a while reminded him that everything was still okay. She held him until he was spent and his ragged breathing diminished to an occasional shudder.

Then she felt his body tense all over and he said, "I remember this."

"What is it?"

"The room," he said. "I remember this. She's here. I see her."

"Okay."

His pulled back from her and his hand went to his face to wipe the tears. He kept his eyes closed tightly and he was starting to get twitchy.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Um, yeah. It's just a lot. It's all there. I see her. She hasn't changed that much. But she's… happy. Happier." Upon saying this, Jane started to cry again.

Lisbon reached out and pulled him back to her. She felt him take in a deep breath and she could tell he was making himself stop crying. "It's okay."

"I see her. She's everywhere. There's so much here I can't, I can't …"

"What is it, Jane?"

His body tensed again and he pulled back violently. He opened his eyes and Lisbon saw absolute panic in them. "I want my Mom," he said.

"What?" Lisbon was shocked at his sudden turn.

"I want my Mom," he said more urgently, the panic in his eyes was more pronounced.

"Jane, you're scaring me. What's going on?"

"These are not my memories. They're not mine."

"What memories? The ones of your mother?" Lisbon was starting to panic, afraid she had started something that seemed suddenly intent on going to a very bad place.

"I want my Mom, Lisbon. Please go get her."

Lisbon hadn't realized that he _literally_ wanted his mother. She sat up, shocked.

"Please," Jane said, desperation now mixed in with the fear and panic.

She was off the bed and heading for the door in a heartbeat. She raced down the hall, and coming out into the living room, she saw Patricia sitting at the dining room table with Cho. They were looking at the laptop screen together.

As she passed Ryan on the couch, he rose and said, "Agent Lisbon—"

She didn't acknowledge him and instead called out, "_Patricia_."

Patricia and Cho both looked up, obviously startled. Lisbon couldn't tell if she was Skyping her husband or not and she didn't care. "Patricia, I need you to come with me right now."

Patricia stood, a look of deep concern on her face, and she immediately started towards Lisbon.

Cho stood. "Boss?"

"Stay here, Cho. I'll let you know if I need you."

"Okay."

When Patricia reached her, Lisbon grabbed her arm and led her back to the hallway, Ryan watching with some alarm. When they reached Patricia's bedroom, Lisbon opened the door and went in, Patricia following. Lisbon closed the door behind them.

"What happened?" Patricia asked.

"I'm going to give you the quick version, because he shouldn't be alone. He went to that room in his memory palace and now he is panicking and asking for you. I don't like that he's asking for you, but he is insisting."

"I'm not here to hurt him, Agent Lisbon. I want to help him," Patricia said. "What did he say? Why is he panicking?"

"He said the memories were not his. I don't know what that means."

Patricia took in a deep breath. "I do." She turned and opened the door, hurrying towards Jane's bedroom. Lisbon followed closely behind.

They found Jane curled on the bed grasping a pillow over his head. Patricia came up on the side of the bed he was facing. Lisbon came up on the other side.

"Patrick, I'm here." Patricia sat down on the bed and reached out to touch his hand that held onto the pillow.

Lisbon sat down behind him. "Jane, it's okay." She put her hand on his shoulder.

He said something, but the pillow muffled it.

"Patrick." Patricia waited a moment and when Jane didn't respond, she carefully pulled the pillow away until she was sure he could hear her. "I'm here, Patrick. Tell me what's upsetting you."

"I can't make them stop. They're not my memories and I don't want them."

"Tell me what you're seeing."

"I know which ones are mine and these are not mine."

"Tell me what you're seeing."

"I saw a man falling off a ladder. He hit his head and now he's not right. I'm _in_ his head, I'm him, and I'm hurting people. There's a woman and a young girl and I'm—" Jane's voice cracked and he stopped to catch his breath.

Lisbon rubbed his back, hoping he wouldn't go into a full blown panic attack again.

"That was in Des Moines, Iowa," Patricia said quickly. "His wife came to us after our act. You helped her understand that he wasn't going to get better, that she and her daughter had to leave."

"Stop it," Jane said. "I don't want this. Just make it stop."

His breathing went shallower, and Lisbon instinctively climbed into the bed and wrapped herself around him. She was sorry she had started this whole thing and she didn't know what else to do. His heart pounded against her chest.

"I taught you how to stop it when you were four or five," Patricia said. "Do you remember that?"

Jane shook his head. "_No_."

Patricia leaned over him, her hand on the top of his head. "You're right, they're not your memories. Not really. It's like when the mothership sends information down to the alien ship in a big beam of light, like that movie we watched. The alien ship had to open the portal at the top to let the beam of light in. And once it got all the information, it closed the portal. You just have to remember to close the portal."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he cried.

"Patrick, just listen to me. You have to visualize that there's a portal at the top of your head where all those images are coming in. You're portal is open and the light is beaming down into it. Just close the portal. Tell the mothership you've got everything you need and it can go now."

Patricia rubbed his head. "It's right here, Patrick. Just picture it here."

His chest expanded, pressing back into Lisbon as he took a big breath in and then let it go.

"Good. That's good. Now picture it closing. You're making it close. And it won't open again until you want it to. It'll never open again until you say so."

The tension in his arms and legs loosened and soon he was all lax in her arms. Lisbon hugged him tight.

"That's good, Patrick. That's all you have to do. You're in complete control of what information comes in."

Jane sighed deeply. He found Lisbon's hand and squeezed it, holding it tightly at his chest.

"You're capable of knowing much more than you do now, Patrick. I didn't understand why you relied on parlor tricks to close cases until today. But it all makes sense."

"I'm not psychic. There's no such thing. It's all snake oil."

Jane let go of Lisbon's hand and reached up to remove his mother's hand from his head. Lisbon watched Patricia. She was clearly thinking about how to reply and it took her some time before she finally said, "I know you think you are your father's son. You know all the tricks, Patrick. Inside and out. But if I had been there, if what happened never happened, you would have been able to clearly see the difference between me and your father. You would have seen that you are more your mother's son. Your father knew that. It's why he did what he did."

Jane took Lisbon's hand again, but didn't say anything.

"You are so hard on yourself, Patrick. Why is that?"

Jane didn't answer. Lisbon wanted to tell Patricia what she knew, how Jane always called himself a fraud, how ashamed he was of his past, and how harsh he was with all the frauds he encountered. She suspected that Patricia might already know that.

"Do you want me to stay," Patricia asked.

"No," Jane said, a bit coldly, and he seemed to realize this by adding, "I just want to sleep."

"Okay," Patricia said. She stood and slowly went for the door.

Lisbon whispered in Jane's ear, "I'll be right back." She went and followed Patricia out, closing the door behind them and walking with Patricia down the hall. When they were far enough away, Patricia stopped and turned to Lisbon.

"You'll stay with him?" she asked.

"Yes." Lisbon searched Patricia's face. There was much she wanted to ask her, but it wasn't as important as staying with Jane right now.

"Good. I'm glad he has you."

"Was that-? What was that exactly?" Lisbon asked.

"I think you know that already, Agent Lisbon," Patricia said.

"Well, why don't you spell it out for me, because maybe I don't understand all of it."

"He was very gifted as a boy. It has been difficult watching him operate without much insight," she said.

"So he could see what other people saw? He said he was in that guy's head."

"Yes, when he was very young, it was often like a waking nightmare for him. He was too young to understand what he was seeing. I taught him that technique out of desperation. But even at 8 or 9 or 10 he would bump up against some very dark souls. I don't blame him for stuffing that part of himself away. I wasn't there to help him understand, and it probably reminded him too much of me anyway."

"Is this going to … I don't know…" Lisbon wavered, unsure what she was most worried about.

"I don't know either, Agent Lisbon," Patricia said. "Patrick will have to decide whether he wants to recover his abilities or not. I do know that he would never forgive me if I were the one to help you find Red John. I would much prefer to help Patrick find his way back to his true nature and be rid of the monster that is torturing him so."

"And you would do that. You would help him find Red John?"

"Of course! I don't know what I can do to show you that I mean him no harm. I am his mother, Agent Lisbon. I lost a part of myself when I lost him —he was my whole life back then—and I have found him again. I would do anything to make things right, to help him find himself again."

Patricia was very nearly close to tears and Lisbon was suddenly tired. It was not often that she was at a loss over what should happen next. "I'm not going to pretend I know what he needs," she said. "But he needs something. He needs some solace."

Patricia looked at her quizzically. "You do know that you are providing that, don't you?"

"It's not enough."

Patricia leveled a look at her and smiled slightly. It was very Jane-like in its reproach and it made her question her perspective. Everything seemed so confused now. Sex always confused things. What was she thinking going along with that?

"You should get back to him," Patricia said. "He wants you there with him."

Lisbon pressed her lips together and sighed. She needed to let Cho know what was going on. "I'll let you know if we need you again," she said and then stepped around Patricia and headed for Cho.


	6. Chapter 37M

_Mature chapter of my full story found over in the K - T section..._

* * *

Jane caught up with Lisbon and followed her down the hall, his eyes naturally attracted to her ass. He was instantly reminded of their earlier walk down the hall and her difficulty in maintaining normalcy after what he had done to her. By the time he followed her into the bedroom he was hard and sure of what he was about to do to her. He closed the door and quickly locked it before grabbing her hand and pulling her to him.

Startled she gasped, "Jane!"

He quickly pushed her up against the wall and kissed her. He felt her tremble and she moaned helplessly. He pushed his tongue into her mouth and she accepted him easily, bringing her hands up and pulling him to her. God, he loved how she was game for anything. He reached down and grabbed the back of her thighs, lifting her up so her legs wrapped around him, his hardness pressing into her open crotch. She trembled again and wrapped her legs tighter, pressing up against him. They kissed deeply. He couldn't get enough of her and he groaned involuntarily as she rubbed herself against him now, arousing herself on his hard cock. He instantly wanted to be inside her.

He slid his hands around to push her legs down to standing and then went for her pants, still kissing her madly while blindly trying to get the button undone. She pulled back to work her shoes off, one foot going to toe the other off as he got the button open and ran the zipper down. He was never so grateful for sensible slip-on shoes on a woman before. She toed the other one off and almost stumbled, but Jane caught and held her steady with one hand while the other slid her pants down, taking the panties with them. She was going after his pants now and as she was stepping out of hers, she had him unbuttoned and unzipped. She kicked her pants away and then dropped to her knees, taking his pants with her.

She grabbed his cock firmly and started licking the head frantically. He tensed immediately and sucked in a desperate breath. He hadn't planned on that, wouldn't last long either if he let her have her way with him, and the determined look on her face as she took the head of his cock in her warm little mouth said that she now had plans of her own. She sucked and tongued him thoroughly as she kept a firm grasp on him, tugging on him with a steady rhythm. The woman clearly knew what she was doing and his hand instinctively went to the back of her head. As if on cue, she opened wide and took him all the way in. He groaned deeply, feeling his cock pressing against the back of her throat. Jane wanted nothing more than to take this all the way, see how far and how much she could take, how long he could last before he shot his load down that exquisite throat. But there would be plenty of time for that later. Right now he wanted her helplessly up against the wall falling apart around him.

He grabbed her hand that had his cock and pulled back, making her release him. Then he bent to pull her up to standing so he could grab her legs again. She willingly let him lift her and she wrapped her bare legs around him. He pressed her against the wall for stability and angled himself against her moist vulva. With one good thrust he plunged in, both of them gasping at the suddenness. Lisbon was instantly moaning and he plunged into her again and again, mad with a desire to make her come with him. And he was ready, god, he was always ready with her. She quickly pressed her lips onto his neck in an attempt to muffle her increasing sounds of pleasure. It was no use.

She pulled back and said breathlessly, "Let's go to the bed."

"No."

She was startled by his answer. "They might hear us," she said.

"Then you'll have to be very, very quiet," he said, looking at her, daring her to chance it.

Her eyes flashed with desire and determination and Jane held her hips and drove into her. She kissed him and moaned into his mouth, her tongue finding his. She fought hard to contain herself and he held her firmly, pressing her against the wall, thrusting his cock deeply into her, hitting the softness of her cervix. She suppressed a cry and he pulled back to look at her. Her face and neck were flushed and she trembled as she followed his lead into slow deliberate thrusts. They were both gasping for breath, teetering on the precipice, holding off the inevitable.

He saw her eyes flash again and she whispered, "Fuck me, Patrick. Fuck me like you never thought you could."

That was it. That was the beginning of the end. His deliberate thrusts ran wild and he brought his hand up to her neck to pull her close. Their breathing was erratic from suppressing the natural noises and it intensified their lust. Jane grunted low and long and when Lisbon whispered between gasps, "Oh… that's it… fuck me, Patrick," he lost it. She never called him Patrick and to hear her say it again, now, in this context, was too much for him to withstand. Her words went straight to his cock and he exploded into her as he held his breath so he wouldn't cry out the way he wanted. He felt her vaginal walls clenching his cock firmly and releasing, clenching and releasing, and she shoved her mouth against his neck to squelch her own cries. They fell limply into each other and Jane held onto her, keeping them both upright.

As they caught their breath and slowly started untangling from each other, Jane looked at her. A slow grin played across her face and he grinned back at her. He let her down and was immediately troubled with the problem of his pants down around his ankles and his shoes still on. Lisbon looked down with him and they both chuckled. He tried toeing his shoes off like she had earlier, but they were laced too tightly. She was grinning widely at him now as he bent to unlace them and then kicked everything off. Freed, he pulled her with him over to the bed and they collapsed on it. They helped each other get their shirts off and then Jane pulled her into his arms. They lay facing each other, arms and legs all tangled up again.

"You called me Patrick," he said.

Lisbon grinned. "I did."

"I liked that."

"I could tell."

Patrick chuckled again. "Well played."

"Thank you."

"You're going to enjoy that part, aren't you?"

"What part?"

"The being in control part."

"Immeasurably."

Jane grinned. "Well, enjoy it while you can. I will eventually get my stamina back."

"We'll see."

He leaned in for a kiss. "Is this why you wanted to come back here?"

"Actually, no. I wanted to talk to you about Alexander Knox."

"What about him?"

"I was just thinking you were put on the spot out there, that maybe you'd have better luck back here where you're more relaxed. If Knox is still in the Sacramento area, we're talking 10+ hours to get him here."

"I don't know what to do though."

"Patricia said you were starting to master distance stuff. I was thinking you might have those memories in your memory palace."

"You've been doing a lot of thinking."

"Do you want to try? Go have a look round?"

Jane closed his eyes and sighed. "Not really."

"Why not?"

He opened his eyes and said, "I think I've seen enough for one day." He was in no hurry to go back and see all those memories he'd managed to avoid the last time he was there.

"Just real quick," Lisbon said. "It might be really helpful."

He considered her. He wanted to please her. He wanted to help the team. He wanted to catch Red John, and Alexander Knox was the only lead they had at this point. But he was starting to feel his limits. The amount of startling information he'd absorbed in the last 24 hours was staggering. That the new information broke apart the very foundations that had sustained him for the last 35 years made it even more difficult. Frankly, he knew Lisbon was the only reason he was managing it as well as he was. She really was his refuge. Even the team knew it.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I just need to take a break."

"Okay."

"I know you're feeling the pressure. I am too, but I—"

"You have other pressures. I know, Jane. I don't mean to add to it."

"No, you're not. You're helping immensely."

"I may have overstepped the bounds a bit in helping my subordinate," she said and rolled her hips so her patchy mound was pressed against his.

"Partners," he corrected.

She grinned slyly.

"I had no idea you would be so mischievous in bed," he said.

"I _told_ you that you didn't know everything about me. But you were too busy feeling all superior to hear me."

He chuckled and ran his hand down her back to her sweet ass. "I am all ears now."

"_Now_. Mhm. _Such_ a typical man."

He smiled widely. He liked her even more in bed, all relaxed and playful.

"I do have to get back to the team," she said. "You want to come and help Cho again?" she asked straight-faced.

He shook his head, still smiling. "As fascinating as that work is, I think I'll hang out a bit up here," he said. He was not about to admit how hungry he was, that he was going to have to raid the fridge some point soon.

"Mmkay," she said, and moved in to kiss him.

"So have we broken any records for you yet?" he asked.

"For number of times in a day?"

"Yes."

She scoffed. "Hardly." Then she quickly asked, "You?"

"No. But I would say there is a day, a week, in our future just waiting for us to smash old records."

"How psychic of you…" she grinned.

"A day, a week, with no _work_," he added.

"Agreed," she said and kissed him again.

They reluctantly got up and got dressed in the reverse order they got undressed. By the door, Jane laced his shoes while Lisbon waited. When he stood he looked her up and down.

"You don't look like you just got ravished up against the wall," he said and took her into his arms.

She smiled. "That's good."

"But knowing that you did is going to keep me hard all night." He kissed her softly.

"Mmm. I'll keep that in mind," she said pulling back. She took his hand and pulled him with her. "Come on."

They went down the hall hand-in-hand, Jane noticing the light spilling out under Patricia's door. Lisbon dropped his hand before they reached the living room. Ryan was back on the couch watching hockey this time. When he saw them, he sat up.

"Agent Lisbon?" he asked.

Lisbon and Jane stopped. "What?" Lisbon asked.

"Wayne said you had a treadmill downstairs. I was wondering if I could use it tomorrow."

Lisbon considered his request. "That sounds doable. Talk to me tomorrow."

She headed for the stairs and Jane followed. At the top of them, he grabbed her hand. "I'm going to stay up here," he said.

"What are you going to do?" she asked, skeptically.

"I'm just going to get some tea. I'll be down later."

"Tea, huh?" she said, like she saw right through him.

He smiled. "I'll see you later."

"Mhm," she said slyly and turned to go downstairs.

Jane went to the kitchen, thinking the night wasn't over yet. He opened the fridge and stood looking inside. All the remains of the dinner were there and he questioned whether he wanted to drag out that lasagna. He heard something behind him and he turned to find Ryan coming into the kitchen.

"The lasagna is excellent," Ryan said.

Jane turned back to the fridge. "I know," he said, annoyed. While he wanted to resist just on principle, he had eaten all of one bowl of soup that day. And while he'd not broken any records, he had expended an inordinate amount of energy since daylight broke that morning. In short, he was famished. He went for it, pulling out the casserole dish covered in tin foil and placing it on the counter.

Ryan was leaning against the counter by the sink watching now.

"Is there something you wanted?" Jane asked.

"Yes," Ryan said.

Jane turned and looked at him. "Okay."

"I wanted to thank you for apologizing to my—to _our_ mother."

Jane narrowed his eyes at Ryan, looking for the real intent. "Okay."

Ryan reacted to his look and struggled with what to say next. "Okay, I'm just… I think you should apologize to me too, but I know I punched you and all, so, whatever." He lifted his hand to indicate the bruise Jane had almost forgotten about.

"Yeah, _whatever_," Jane said. Harvard and Columbia, really?

"Yeah, so I just wanted to tell you that my—that _she_—has her hopes up about you and I'm asking that you not toy with that. She's…." He was really struggling for words now, and not because he didn't know what he wanted to say. He was cautiously choosing _how_ to say it. "Look, I don't know what she was like when she was with you, but I never understood why she was the way she was until now. I mean it all makes sense now."

Jane was curious now. "What makes sense?"

Ryan hesitated. There was no reason for him to trust Jane at all, so Jane said, "Her sadness?"

Ryan took a deep breath and exhaled, saying, "Her depressions. She'd close a case and everyone would go home happy except for her. She'd take to bed for days after a case like that." He frowned at Jane. "She'd kill me if she knew I was telling you this."

Jane nodded. "I understand."

Ryan looked unsure. "Do you?"

"Yes. More than you could know."

A look of understanding crossed Ryan's face. "I'm sorry for what happened to your family," he said.

Jane frowned, annoyed again. "Your secret is safe with me," he said.

Ryan looked startled then wary. "I don't have a secret. I have a request. I'm asking that you not dash her hopes cruelly. I haven't ever seen her this happy and I thought you should know that. That's all this is about," he said. He pushed off the counter and went back to the living room and the couch.

Jane turned back to the lasagna. He pulled the tinfoil up and looked at the remains with a growing indifference as he realized he was no longer hungry.


	7. Chapter 39M

_Apologies for the long delay in updating. Life intervened. :) Hope the Jisbon moment makes up for the long absence._

* * *

Jane waited as his mother tried to find the right words. His sense that she had been nudging him along some obscure path all along returned full force. Now he understood it had all been about his abilities, his not using them, his not even knowing about them.

"I understand you not wanting to be an open book to me, Patrick. I do. And I don't blame you for being wary. I don't deserve your trust. I do see you more clearly now, and while I can't shut off what I see, I can choose to ignore it… or not pursue it."

She walked closer and he couldn't help but tense up. Her abilities made him defensive, no matter how much her smile made him want to please. She stopped and he knew she had read his body language.

"Would you like me to explain my process?" she asked gently.

He suddenly remembered the questions that had dragged him to her door were all about what she was now offering, and he saw that she was trying to calm him, not just in the moment, but in general. He didn't want to know any of this—about her or Ryan or himself or Alexander Knox or—he didn't even want to know what all was on the list of things he didn't want to know.

She smiled with understanding. "You were very smart to stop knowing things as a child. You do realize that, don't you? It would have caused great harm to yourself and others if you hadn't. But you are able to understand now, and there is a lot of harm that can be undone and even prevented because of what you can do."

"I do all of that already," he said.

"What you do now has its limits."

He didn't know what to say to that. The strangeness of hearing that his skills somehow fell short —skills that amazed and astonished most people—was… confusing.

"You read my journal," she said, "you saw what I was doing. You saw my process-"

"I didn't understand it," he said, an anger rising at his ignorance, at his need for her to explain.

"What you read was me pursuing information about you. I couldn't see you. Usually, when I am pursuing, I have to work a little harder. I am presented with a problem—a missing child—and I have to solve it. With you, the problem was my inability to see you. I was desperately snatching at anything that came to me. That included your co-workers. But please know, I don't usually do that."

"But you see specific moments. Very detailed moments."

"Yes. I get snippets. You get movies."

"I don't want to talk about me."

"Okay." She reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear, a quick, nervous smile playing at her mouth. "I imagine you are quite good at cold reading," she said. When he frowned she held up her hand. "I say that because it's not unlike what I do, but I'm not guessing. I'm actually seeing. I can do that with actual photos too. I can look at a photograph and get the same information I would if they were in person. If there's someone in the wind, I have to piece them together by other means."

"How?"

"If there are suspects, I talk to the friends and family. The co-workers. If there's nothing, I look at the scene, the evidence."

"That's what I do."

"Yes, sound logic and good guessing is very clever. I'm not surprised at how successful you've been."

"But." She was obviously trying to get him to some point.

"But you could be even more successful, more accurate. If someone as smart and well-connected as Red John came along—if he was someone you had no emotional connection to—you could catch him fairly quickly. I'm sure of it."

He knew where she was going, the same place Lisbon had already visited, the same place he was inevitably going to have to go: If what his mother was saying was true, Jane would need her help if they wanted to catch Red John before more women and children died. Despite his earlier misgivings about just this idea, Jane found he was of two minds about it now. For one, he saw that together they could very well catch the bastard once and for all. After what he had been through in the last three weeks, a part of him thought just catching him would be enough. But another part was already calculating how his final plans for Red John might come to fruition given these new variables. Because he knew Patricia was very much a new and formidable variable, one who could not only see his plans but who would also work against them.

Patricia frowned. "Do you really think you could add to Red John's bloodbath just to get your revenge?" she asked.

"Yes," he said, the part that knew better winning out. "I have no qualms about that. I will do everything I can to make sure he is stopped for good. Making him suffer at the end would be nice but not essential. I'll be happy just to see him dead."

He had thought she might recoil, but she showed no noticeable reaction to his statement.

"I'm not the only change you need to account for, Patrick," she said.

"What do you mean?"

"You have Teresa now. Your plans don't account for that."

"That's none of your business," he said. His internal alarm system roused to a jangly start. "You don't get to discuss that with me."

"I don't mean to discuss it, just to point out," she said. A knock on the door took her attention away from him.

"Come in," she said.

The door opened to reveal Lisbon. She had one hand on the door and the other held a bowl covered in tin foil, a fork sticking out from it. "Sorry to interrupt," she said, looking quickly between the two of them. "Ryan told me you were in here," she said to Jane.

"I was just leaving," he said.

"No," Lisbon said, "I didn't mean to interrupt. I just wanted—"

He started towards her. "No, I was just leaving."

"Patrick," his mother said as he passed her. She reached out and touched his arm, stopping him.

He turned toward her, but couldn't bring himself to look at her.

"I wanted to tell you that I won't pursue anything anymore," she said. "If I want to know something, I'll ask you directly. You can choose whether you want to answer or not."

He looked at her, wondering if that was even possible—her choosing to know or not. A door had opened for her, she readily admitted to that. She was different, calmer, more sure of herself, and he could only assume it was because, as she said, she saw him more clearly. A confused mix of emotions sprang to life within him. Mothers were supposed to know things about their children. That mother knowledge brought a level of peace and security to the child: to be known, to be truly and essentially known, made life seem a little less chaotic, a little less existential. A spouse or lover may provide similar feelings, but never to the same extent as a mother. And yet his mother had left him to be raised by a man who neither knew him nor understood him, a man who made him feel his only worth came from what he could contribute to the coffers. She had been the source of his peace and the source of his upset. How could that be reconciled?

Jane turned towards Lisbon, who opened the door wider for him to pass by her. He heard her say, "Goodnight, Patricia," as he headed for his bedroom. His mother said, "Goodnight, Teresa," in return. Jane opened his bedroom door as Lisbon closed his mother's. He waited.

"You okay?" Lisbon asked.

They went inside, Lisbon flipping the switch on.

Jane closed and locked the door. "Yeah. What's that?" he asked, nodding towards the bowl.

"Your dinner," she said. She handed it to him. "Eat."

"How do you know I didn't already eat?"

She smiled. "I was the one who put the food away."

"You checked."

"I checked. Now eat. I'm going to get ready for bed. I have to relieve Cho in 5 hours."

She went to the night stand on her side of the bed—she had a side already he suddenly realized—and unloaded her gun and badge and phone onto it, turning the small lamp on before heading off for the bathroom. Jane flipped the overhead light off and went to the bed. He set the bowl on his nightstand and sat down on the bed. He reached to untie the laces of his shoes, then slipped them and his socks off. Leaning back against the headboard, he picked up the bowl and lifted the tinfoil. His mother's lasagna. Of course. He took a bite.

Even cold, it was as good as he remembered. The flood of warm memories that came with each bite brought one that had some significance: he remembered that she had made it for his birthday dinner, that it was the last meal she had cooked for him before his birthday party where everything had gone wrong. He understood now why she had cooked it today: she saw it as purely symbolic, a hopeful beginning that acknowledged a troubled ending. Again a resistance to her efforts nagged at him. He set the bowl down, half eaten.

Lisbon soon emerged from the bathroom. She stood at the bed and began undressing, kicking her shoes off and starting on the buttons to her blouse. Jane watched a moment before reaching up and starting on his own buttons. Of all the times they had undressed in the last 24 hours, this was the first time without the frenzied rush of sexual desire leading the way. She finished before him, her nakedness still such an unusual sight. Lisbon, naked, climbing into his bed. The how and the why of it was something he would undoubtedly ponder later when he had fewer things to think about, but for now he was content to have her there. She looked as tired as he felt. She slipped under the covers as he stood to get his pants off. When he joined her she was already curling up around her pillow, her silky white back to him.

He wrapped himself around her, slipping his hand up to hold her breast. She reached to turn the lamp off and then settled back into him. He pulled her closer, lifting her hair out of the way and kissing the back of her neck once.

"How did it go with your mother?" Lisbon asked.

Jane closed his eyes, already half asleep. He thought about how to answer and then sighed in defeat. "I don't want to talk about it right now," he said.

"Okay," Lisbon said. She drew in a deep breath and let it go and Jane followed her lead.

When he woke, he was still wrapped around Lisbon in the exact same position. The sleep had been productive—he was well-rested, alert. With no idea of what time it was or how many hours they had slept, he began to feel the press of time, knowing their time alone together was quickly diminishing. He had awakened semi-erect but as he decided on his plan of action, he was soon fully realized. He slid his hand off Lisbon's breast and down her belly to her patchy mound. She stirred and made room for him between her legs. He held her briefly before he let his fingers search for her opening. Finding it, he gently circled the moist warmth of her before bringing some of her wetness up to her clit.

She pressed back against him as he lazily circled her sweet spot. He kept up a slow, steady rhythm, knowing she was fully awake and expectant now. He applied slightly more pressure as he widened his circles and he felt her begin to tense. He kept the same steady rhythm even when she began to move her hips in a way that suggested she wanted him to go faster.

Lisbon groaned when he stopped circling and slipped his fingers down to find her creamy wetness. He dipped his fingers inside her, causing her to take a sudden intake of breath, and then brought that wetness up to her clit to make it his slippery playground. His circling was slick and fast now and Lisbon began groaning long and low, her hips moving in a rhythm that matched his. Soon his own breathing was heavy as her excitement spurred him to bring her to completion. He pressed down more, circling faster, breathing hotly on her neck as she cried out, her whole body convulsing in his arms. Her hand clamped down on his, making him stop, but she continued to gasp and groan and shudder. He pressed his hard cock against her ass as she came down from her orgasm.

He waited briefly, not giving her much time to recover before he wiggled his fingers free and slid two of them down to plunge deeply inside her. She cried out in surprise and he began to slide them in and out, in and out. He went faster, keeping her completely helpless, and positioned his fingers so they would brush against her sweetest spot. She reacted immediately, saying, "Oh god, oh god." He was fucking her fast now and she was beyond any semblance of control and she soon exploded again, crying out louder and grabbing his hand to make him stop. God, he loved the sounds she made. His cock was so hard against her ass and she was grinding against him. He thought he could come just from that, but she said, "Get inside me now," and he hurriedly pulled his fingers out of her and grabbed her hip, guiding her so he could slide easily in and, _god_, she was so tight at this angle. He was soon grunting his pleasure, fucking her hard and fast—he wasn't going to last—_god_ was he ever going to last? She started meeting his thrusts, shoving down onto him hard. She was so wet and in full bloom and he was gone, oh god, he was so far gone everything he had blasted out of his cock and filled her up. He kept thrusting, knowing that all he would ever want from now on was to fill her up with his love. When he was completely emptied, he collapsed against her, breathless. Gone.

He pulled her closer, gripping her hip so he stayed inside, and pressed his face against the back of her neck. He wanted this moment to last forever. He closed his eyes and held on. He was compelled to keep holding her tight and even as their breathing flattened out, he held a tension that he soon realized would not be dispersed without his saying what he needed to say.

"You know that I love you, right?" he said.

She went completely still in his arms. It scared him. He really had no idea how she was going to react. Then she loosened up, pushed back against him, said, "Yeah, I know."

Relief flooded him and he relaxed, ready for sleep again. "Good," he said. But then Lisbon tensed up again and he realized that she was worried he wanted her to respond in kind. "I don't need any declarations from you, Lisbon," he said. "I already know how you feel."

"Oh," she said.

"Really," he said. "You don't need to say anything."

She relaxed. "Okay," she said.

He smiled. He didn't know how much more time they had together tonight, but he was completely satisfied that he had made the most of it. He had slipped out her now and he moved his hand up to cup her breast again. He began to drift off to sleep, his mind floating freely over the day ahead, the day behind. He lighted on many things, but was startled at discovering something new entirely, so startled he blurted it out: "He didn't know."

"What?" Lisbon asked, turning her head sleepily towards him.

"My father never knew about me. He didn't know what I could do. She hid it from him." He remembered now how she had done it, how she had always kept Alex out of the trailer when they saw people, how she never had the carnies come to see him, only her.

"Really?" Lisbon asked in amazement.

"Yes."

"She was protecting you," Lisbon said.

"Yes." She had told him that he had special gifts that needed to be kept safe, that people, even his father, couldn't understand how special they were, that when he was older he would know when it was safe to let the world know. He realized that her protection extended long past her time with him. His 10-year-old self must have known, at least sub-consciously, how dangerous it would be to tell his father the things he saw. The room in the memory palace was built not just in anger but also fear. God knows what his father would have done with his Boy Wonder had he known.

He closed his eyes. Lisbon turned over and faced him, drawing him into an embrace, throwing her leg over his. He relaxed into her, deciding that for now, Lisbon next to him, Lisbon in his arms, was all that mattered.


	8. Chapter 46

_Mature chapter of my mostly T story. For the full story go to s/8734971/1/Women-and-Children-First_

* * *

Jane followed Lisbon into the next room where Cho and Rigsby were unloading their wares. They'd brought pizza, a police scanner, casual clothing and caps.

"Okay, listen up," Lisbon said. "We're going to map out the next 48 hours. Van Pelt, go ask Patricia and Ryan to join us. I want everyone on the same page."

Van Pelt went to get them, while Lisbon asked Cho, "How did it go with the rentals?"

"Piece of cake. We got a muscle car and a Mercedes to fit in better."

When everyone was assembled, Lisbon said, "We're running up against a clock here. We need to get Kirkland before anything happens, but we need to do it cleanly and we need to build a solid case that will keep him in prison the rest of his miserable life."

Jane leaned back against the wall next to the door to his room. He saw his mother watching him and he crossed his arms and looked to Lisbon who was going into boss mode.

"Jane stays on the DMV for now," Lisbon said. "Patricia, you … keep doing what you're doing. Van Pelt and I are going to work on Kirkland's timeline. Cho and Rigsby, I want you to learn every inch of Jane's old neighborhood and work out a surveillance plan. We're going to assume Kirkland won't go to the house until Sunday. That means we've got the rest of today and tomorrow to find the woman and child before Kirkland or get ourselves established in the neighborhood. That means we need to get rested up tonight—we likely won't be sleeping tomorrow night. Any questions?"

"What about headquarters?" Cho asked. "Are we checking in at all?"

"No," Lisbon said. "The only people I trust in the CBI right now are in this room. Any other questions?"

"Yeah, do I have to stay inside the whole time?" Ryan asked.

Everyone looked over at him. He leaned against the door opposite from Jane with his hands in his pockets.

"Sorry kid," Lisbon said. "We can't have you out wandering about. But if we do this right, you'll be back to your saxophone and girlfriend by Monday."

"Whatever," Ryan said with an air of defeat.

"Right. Any other questions?" She waited. "Okay then. We've got pizza. We've got work. Let's get on it."

Ryan and the team broke into the pizza. Jane waited for them to get their slices and drift off before he went to get his own. His mother had waited too and she joined him at the open pizza boxes.

"You need to tone it down for Lisbon," he said to her in a low voice.

"She asked," Patricia replied. "She wanted to know."

"Wanted to know what?" he asked, turning to her with a frown.

"She's intuitive. She already knows things are changing. She just doesn't understand it. I tried to explain."

"Well, stop it. You're upsetting her needlessly when she needs to focus on the case."

Patricia turned fully to him now and leveled a look at him that he remembered well. "Patrick, you are absolutely right for proceeding cautiously with her in regards to your relationship, but as for the rest of it, she needs to be readied. It will be far more upsetting to her if she is not."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about. You have a choice to make. If you choose to go with your bloodlust, do you think Teresa will be less upset than she is now?"

The speed at which she had checked him was stunning, and as he looked into the face of his mother he saw how she was working against him. There was no force to it, no manipulation. Just a few pointed observations meant to turn him around. A jangly shot of adrenaline coursed through him as he realized how right she was. Long ago he had devised a plan for the end of Red John, a plan that was by now set in stone in his mind yet flexible enough to cover an endless number of scenarios, a plan hatched when he purposefully kept himself apart from the world.

"You two doing okay over there?" he heard Lisbon ask.

Then he heard his mother say, _Your wife and child are not all you need to let go of, Patrick._

Jane reached for a paper plate and loaded a slice of pizza onto it. He turned and went back to his room, closing the door behind him. He did not go back to the laptop. He needed a break from all the pictures of potential victims. Setting the plate on the nightstand, he lay down on the bed and closed his eyes. He needed to think.

* * *

Lisbon watched Jane go wordlessly to his room with the same uneasy concern as before. But she couldn't dwell on that. She had a job to do and she needed to focus. She turned back to her slice and the pages of Kirkland's career.

The team worked through dinner and into the evening. Lisbon and Van Pelt pieced together a timeline that proved Jane's assertion: the known Red John murders were all in the vicinity of Kirkland's cases. The only time they veered were when they were personal, starting with Jane's family. It made Lisbon sick to think that a vaunted officer of the law was capable of doing all that Red John had done, was planning to do. And how had such a creepy guy gained the devotion of so many?

Cho and Rigsby nailed down their plan for staking out Jane's house if it came to that, but also a contingency for the whole team if they were able to identify the victims before they became victims. The mood of the team was somber, the calm before the storm. Nobody wanted to jinx anything by pointing out the obvious, but Lisbon knew they were all hyperaware that for the first time ever they were a step ahead of … Kirkland. Somehow, knowing that Red John was just a man in an ill-fitting suit and a bad haircut made the task of catching him seem not just possible but inevitable. Lisbon had shared what Patricia had said, but they all agreed that nothing should be taken for granted. They were determined to cover every base and take him down. Hard.

By 10pm they dimmed the lights and Van Pelt took the first watch. They needed rest and Van Pelt had tapped into the motel's surveillance cameras and could view the feed on her computer. Nobody questioned where Lisbon would bunk down. That ship had sailed. The whole team knew when this was all over they'd either be fired or commemorated. There'd be no tepid middle ground so why pretend? When she quietly slipped into Jane's room she found him stretched out on the bed, ankles crossed, asleep. As slowly and noiselessly as possible, she turned the lock on the door. She was beat and she wanted to relax in Jane's arms, sleep naked up against him.

She came around to the side of the bed and looked down on him. The nightstand light cast a warm yellow light and Lisbon watched as his chest rose and fell rhythmically. He looked like sleep had taken him unexpectedly and she thought how much he had slept in the last few days, yet another change in a head-spinning sea of changes. She didn't have time to even keep track of all the changes. She thought of what Patricia said, that she needed to get ready for even more, and the thought made Lisbon tired. She just wanted to get through the next two days, keep everyone safe and get Kirkland behind bars. End of story.

She went and untied Jane's shoes. When she slipped the first one off, he stirred awake. She slipped the other one off and he smiled softly at her. She pulled her cell out of her jacket pocket, set the alarm, and placed it on the nightstand. Then she took her jacket and shoes off and climbed into bed with him. He pulled her to him with a sigh. He was all soft and warm from sleep and Lisbon almost wept at the instant comfort of his embrace. Turning onto his side to face her, he reached and started unbuttoning her blouse and she reciprocated. He finished first and opened up the blouse, pushing it off her free arm before moving on and kissing her breast just above the edge of her bra. Soon he was trailing his tongue along the edge and then burrowing down into the bra to lick and suck her nipple.

Lisbon finished with his shirt and he sat up to take it off and toss it on the floor. She followed his lead and was undoing her bra behind her when he turned his full attention back to her. He helped her slide it off and again went to kiss and suck her breasts, pushing her back down onto the bed. She moaned at the sensations and grabbed his head as she lifted her hips in response. He slowly moved his kisses down until he reached her pants and he shifted onto his knees, hovering over her and working her pants off. She was naked now and he took a moment to appreciate her, glancing a hand over her breasts, down her belly and over her pubic mound. He looked her up and down as if savoring in the delight and she trembled in anticipation. Leaning over he parted her legs and kissed her inner thigh, than trailed his tongue up until he found her clit. He parted her hairs to gain full access, and then licked and kissed every bit of her, pushing his tongue inside of her as she rolled her head back and groaned.

She melted onto the warmth of his tongue, the luxuriating sweetness of it. He worked slowly and softly. The tension building within her belied the calm attention he paid. When her hips began moving more deliberately, he slowed even more, bringing her back to a gentle insistence, holding back just enough to keep her from going over the edge. Then he started bringing her back to excitement, heating her up so much she couldn't take it any longer. She needed him inside her. She turned onto her side, making him go with her, and she quickly disengaged. Holding her hand against his chest, she got on her knees and climbed on top of him. She made quick work of getting his pants down and letting his beautifully hard cock spring free. She grabbed him and lined him up before sinking ever so slowly down onto him.

They both gasped at the sensation and she let him go as far as he could. She stayed there a good long moment not moving. But soon she wanted what she wanted and she began lifting up and falling, lifting and falling, trying her best to go as slow as he had. He watched her the whole time, holding eye contact as if her every sigh of pleasure were some sort of encrypted message. He liked watching and Lisbon suddenly wanted to show him everything. She rose and fell, rose and fell, and Jane held steady letting her have her way with him. His breathing was ragged but he was holding on, his hands gripping her thighs. She angled herself just right, rising and falling, rising and falling to a slow and sexy rhythm all her own. She closed her eyes to give herself fully up, her mouth opening and gasping for breath. She felt his hands move up her legs, over her hips, up her ribcage and to her breasts. He took both nipples and tweaked them between his fingertips and her orgasm blossomed all at once. She opened her eyes to see him watching her, drinking up the low gasps and groans she released as she clenched him hard, the intensity building in waves that coursed through her entire body. His hands were at her hips now, gripping her to him as she rode out her pleasure.

The moment she starting going limp, he sat up and pushed her back until he was on top, still inside her. Surprised by the quickness, she looked up at him, breathless. He leaned down and kissed her. She tasted herself as he slipped his tongue into her mouth, taking her the way he had taken her earlier, soft and slow but very deliberate. He began moving inside her, rising and falling, rising and falling into her slippery wetness. And now he was groaning low into her mouth, moving faster but with a tension meant to keep it slow. She met his every thrust with the same quiet tension. He broke the kiss off and exhaled deeply as he pushed his face down into the crook of her neck. He groaned into her ear and the vibration of his desire set off a new wave of pleasure. Her breathy gasps spurred him on and he soon lost control. He pushed up on his elbows again to watch her as he started to pump inside her a few notches faster, his breathing ragged. She waited for him to start bucking his release before letting go of her own control. They came together looking into each other's eyes, letting their bodies express the full extent of their feelings.

With all of the tension gone, Jane sank down onto her, nuzzling his face against her neck. She accepted his weight gladly. She loved how much he loved to touch and cuddle and she wondered at the ten years he'd gone without, realizing what a self-imposed prison he had created for himself. She sighed and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. She didn't know what would happen tomorrow or the next day, but for now… for now she was content.


End file.
